Unicorns Exist, but Cause Cancer
by Ryan Church Post London Reporter
October 11, 2012
"These horned equine are lovely, but have caused three types of lukemia in the team that found them," said pathologist Wendel Shillton.
As it turns out, the majestic horns that make these creatures so fascinating also emit a unique type of radiation.
"Sadly, exposure kills humans within a week," said Shillton.
Before dying, the team also found ancient Celtic tablets that describe humans breeding pterippi (like Pegasus) down to unicorns and the horses we know today.
"Druids used to dare each other to ride a pterippus, even though they knew it caused 24-hour Black Death," said Shillton.
The endangered herd has been quarentined, with access being limited to Trapper Keeper photographers.
